‘Couples Therapy’ Season 3 showcases dire pursuer-withdrawer relationship cycles

Category: Television and Streaming

 

The ‘wild experiment’ turned critically acclaimed Couples Therapy returns to Showtime for an extended third season; the first nine episodes airing this spring and additional episodes airing at a later date.

The premiere season of this one-of-a-kind docu-series chronicled four couples engaged in therapy with a therapist/psychoanalyst Dr. Orna Guralnik as she walked a tightrope between the problem spouse who needed fixing and the normal-ish spouse hoping for a quick tune-up. Guralnik remained balanced between two opposing spouses, but her dilemma and struggles were expressed beautifully in conversations with her clinical advisor, Virginia Goldner, PhD.

In Season 2, Guralnik 2.0 was a lodestar that guided three new couples through the rough waters into the harbor with her keen ‘psychoanalytic sensibility.’ Their pre-existing self-sabotaging behavior were further exacerbated by the pressure cooker inside homes due to the COVID-19 lockdown. With more footage of the participants as well as the therapist herself engaged in family activities, the Season 2 disseminated ‘we’re all in this together’ vibes; a little glimpse into Guralnik’s own dysfunctional family patterns made her more relatable and endearing.

The third season of Couples Therapy features four new couples: Molly & Josh, together 19 years; Cyn & Yaya, together 18 years; India & Dale, together 8 years; and Ping & Will, together 7 years. They deal with couples’ issues both universal and specific to them.

The old adage “opposites attract” is at play across the board. The pursuers — Molly, Cyn, India, and Ping — initially were attracted to shy, gentle, calm, and understanding withdrawers. The withdrawers — Josh, Yaya, Dale, and Will —, on the other hand, found their pursuers to be passionate, ambitious, and driven. Once the initial phase of attraction and honeymoon are over, life happens and these opposite relational patterns collide big time! Adding criticism and contempt into the mix prove destructive to the relationship.

While the show’s pursuers want to quickly tackle the issue head on, the withdrawers find their partners’ intensity overwhelming and shut down, which happens to be their go-to position due to their childhood trauma. The more anxious the pursuers feel, the more intense the pursuit gets and they end up launching attacks; they’re not equipped to sit still, feel the pain, and work through their underlying issues of neglect and/or abuse. The onslaught of assail-like aggressions from the pursuers, of course, prompt the withdrawers to retreat further and further, but that very reaction amplifies the pursuers’ childhood trauma. This vicious negative relationship cycle goes on and on until the couple learns to stop reenacting their childhood trauma with the hope of resolving it here and now.

Guralnik hypothesizes the participants’ make-or-break key dynamics that might bring about the most change to the soul-crushing relationships and discusses her concerns, frustrations, and observations with Goldner, who offers insight into how to deal with the ‘enigmatic unconscious’ since people don’t always know what’s motivating them and what’s at play. As in the second season, the candid discussions between Guralnik and Goldner are strategically edited into episodes as a storytelling engine. Yet another layer of the lively conversations with Guralnik’s peer advisory group of 7 therapists — 3 females and 4 males — is added to the storytelling with diversified perspectives and suggestions.

It’s absolutely fascinating to witness the overly expressive and testy women — impatient for improvements or a marriage they deserve — pounce on their unexpressive or checked-out partners. Their over-the-top outbursts of fury make them look like a dragon breathing fire and devouring everything in sight; female rage can be frightening to any men, particularly to these emotionally numb and unexpressive partners, who apparently have strong aversion to anger and confrontation, period.

It’s never been socially kosher for women to show even a hint of anger let alone claim their right to rage. Suppressed, repressed, diverted, ignored, and gunny-sacked anger has to pop up somewhere we can get away with, right? Bingo! That happens to be the intimacy and privacy of the home where, in theory, we’re allowed to be authentic selves. My theory is that women have been socially oppressed so long — trust me, I come from the eternal MadMen land — that the only space we can safely express our anger or negative emotions might be restricted to personal relationships.

Remember in Season 1 how guilty Dr. Guralnik felt for sacrificing Annie since she rarely called out on Mau’s know-it-all and misogynistic BS? “I’m not sure if I’m indulging him. Could I confront him more? Could he tolerate it? Or would it blow up the treatment?” Guralnik tried in vain to walk the very tight rope and they left the treatment halfway through. Annie’s last words linger in my memory forever; “I do love you, but I don’t like how you treat me.”

Guralnik, in contrast, does not hesitate to call out the aggressors — fire-breathing, venom-spewing, and biting-head-off dragon divas — on their BS when she senses that they’re trying to control the session. Is she more comfortable confronting them now that she has three years as TV’s most sought-after therapist under the belt? Or is it possible that all the aggressors are women this season and Guralnik appreciates where they’re coming from? I have no doubt she’s been underestimated, unheard, and unappreciated like the rest of us. All together, ladies. We’re as mad as hell and we’re not gonna take it any more!

The extended third season of Couples Therapy is split into two distinct runs. Episodes air back-to-back each Fridays through June 10, 2022. All nine episodes are available on demand and on streaming platforms for Showtime subscribers on May 13, 2022.

About the Author

Meg Mimura is a TV critic who actually watches shows zealously in search of thought-provoking and paradigm shifting human drama worth our precious time. She is a member of Television Critics Association. Follow her on Twitter.

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